SNAFU Benchmarks

1/13/07

President Bush reiterated Saturday, in remarks intended to get someone to believe him, that Iraqian benchmarks, unlike previous repeated pleadings, beseechments, threats and exhortations to get the Iraqi's off their asses, would only be set to a level attainable by them after due assurances that they could be set low enough to actually be attainable.

In totally unrelated news, Secretary of State Condy Rice, in remarks intended to keep herself from committing perjury, testified before Congress that the United States would never desert the Iraqi government even if the new way forward plan's benchmarks, regardless how ridiculously attainably low they are set prove to be unachievably unattained.

Meanwhile, prime minister Nouri al-Maliki, the full-blown closeted neocon Shiite in quasi-neutral turban during working hours, on condition of appearing anxious to have everyone just get along, declared on cue the Bush plan to be "identical to moi strategy and intentions".

On the home front, armed Mexican insurgents have begun pushing National Guardsmen northward spurring Canada to begin formulating plans to reinforce its 4000 mile southern border to protect from terrorists, retreating National Guard troops, environmental, and economic threats to the tune of 400 million Canadian dollars.